Support
by The Frisky Firelily
Summary: River comforts Inara during Heart of Gold and shares some pain of her own.


**TITLE: **Support

**DISCLAIMER: **Not mine

* * *

The pain was ripping through her chest and squeezing around her heart like a vice, gripping and terrifying and everything she had desperately avoided thinking about for the last year. The tears were hot and wet and for a few moments she wasn't thinking about the upcoming battle, about defending her friend, about anything but this agony.

This was why she had to remain cool, remain collected. This vice like grip on her heart that squeezed the air from her lungs and the thoughts from her head and the tears from her eyes. Seeing him, shirt unbuttoned and eyes downcast, stuttering out explanations. She had never been more grateful for her training than at that moment, had never been more relieved that she near impenetrable composure kept her from breaking down in jealous, hurt, angry tears.

And now she had but a few moments to break down and build herself up once more.

She felt the lightest touch on either cheek and her eyes snapped open to see River's face directly in front of her own. The girl was bent at her knees, running her hands over Inara's face and making soothing sounds.

Inara wanted to shoo her away, to keep this moment of anguish and weakness to herself, but suddenly being comforted through something she hadn't shared with anyone was too tempting to resist. The tears, halted momentarily by her shock, suddenly started up again with a vengeance.

River sat down beside her and wrapped her thin arms around Inara's mid-section, one hand stroking her hair as the other hugged her tight. She cried her agony into the younger girl's neck, no longer the graceful, composed, elegant Companion but instead just another young woman whose heart was breaking.

River's voice was the softest of murmurs. "Doesn't understand, can't see it properly yet. Revelations will be halting and difficult, have to stay strong."

Inara pulled back, her cheeks damp as she looked into eyes far older than her own despite their young owner. "How…how do you know?"

River smiled, tucking a stray hair behind Inara's ear. "She knows many things. Knows that hearts hardened by misery and loss take longer to open, knows that some people choose their cool exteriors and others have it forced on them. Regardless of the method, the result is the same – must give things time."

Inara was shaking. There was a knowledge and power behind those words unlike anything she'd ever heard before, sure and farseeing, and for a second she couldn't help but believe the girl. She shook her head, sniffing and trying to get the ridiculous thoughts from her mind.

"You are young, _mei mei._ You have much to learn about love."

River stared at her calmly, a deep anguish hidden somewhere behind those brown eyes. "Love hurts – cuts so deep and so suddenly that you are bleeding long before you realize Cupid's arrow has pierced your heart. Fills your mind and heart and soul with fear and trepidation, takes everything you are and ever have been and breaks it down until all that is left is your heart, fragile and battered, offered up nonetheless. Love compels doctors to throw away their careers for siblings, warrior women to recognise joy and laughter and hang on to it tightly, mechanics to stumble and trip and smile all the way. It inspires men of violence to turn to God, to believe in a symbol above all else because they know, deep down, the true horror of mankind, and must have faith that there is something better."

River leaned forward, whispering as if she knew some dark secret. "Love lets her keep flying, love keeps him airborne, and sets his skin on fire as they throw word barbs at one another. Love is a wisp of incense and gun smoke twirling and winding together. Drawn helplessly to one another, leaves on the wind."

Inara stared, shocked beyond belief at the girl's wise words. That anguish was still watering the younger woman's eyes, and Inara took one pale cheek in her hand.

"_Mei mei,_ what else is love for you?"

River drew a shuddering breath. "Love for government is pain, love for sibling is freedom, love for the Black is liberation."

Inara prodded. "And?"'

The girl's voice was a whisper. "And love is fingers leaving streaks of gun oil over painted flesh rather than that of the broken ballerina."

Inara's mind flashed up the image of Jayne running up the stairs after a blonde whore, River's eyes following him all the way. She held the girl close, unsure of what she could possibly say to comfort her comforter.

River gave her a watery smile filled with hope. "All things will come to pass, but some require a catalyst. For you it will be departure."

Inara studied her. "Leave Serenity?"

River nodded. "Not a permanent undertaking, but required for self-preservation. The time will come when return is necessary, when an enemy will force your hand, and all will be right in the 'verse."

"And for you, River? What will be your catalyst."

The burden of knowledge hung heavily on River's young face, grief and release and joy all marring her pretty features. "Blood. My catalyst will be blood."

Inara felt the tears begin once more, tears for herself, for River, for what she had seen this morning and for whatever River was Seeing in the future. She held the girl, and the girl held her, and together they let their grief slip down their cheeks, silently taking the time to mourn past and present and future.

A thought struck Inara and she cocked a brow.

"Uh, River…you're not going to kill Jayne are you?"

A pause, the barest hint of a smirk. "Haven't decided yet."

Inara nodded in understanding. "Ah, well then."

And for the next ten minutes they drew strength from one another before eventually birth and battle and the next stage of existence required attention.

And for a few moments, Inara felt peace.


End file.
